Introduction

Remember when every third celebrity was giving her or his kid a dumb name? Be careful about your influence, you jerks. In the wake of Pilot Inspektor, Apple Paltrow, and Audio Science Clayton, a municipal CPA and an insurance claims adjuster put their bathing suit areas together and nine months later they welcomed Goddess Jellybean Maeve into the world. Now that we’ve introduced the lady in question, rest assured that she will be along momentarily to answer questions after polishing off the costumes for her Clue cosplay, though she treats it more like a burlesque pantomime.

If you're confused, maybe a spot of retail therapy would set you right as rain. You can visit the gift shop for an artisan soft drink or elderberry humus. Either would make a fine present if you have Seijin-no-Hi on the horizon. Don’t be shy about dipping your hand in the teak cask filled with Airheads. Goddess procured sponsorship rights back in ‘22 and they just keep shipping the things by the pallet. Please keep in mind that the wild eyed phoenix will not accept returns or exchanges, not even for the Shepard Fairey print you kept glancing towards. There’s no listed sale price because she operates on a bartering system so it could be yours for the low, low price of being bent over the back of a cabriole while counting one plus two plus two plus…

Don’t fret. By the time we get around to the end, it might even make sense. Just keep in mind that manners maketh, so don’t forget to call her by her given name.

What's this got to do with fighting?! Nothing, but Goddess is the best lady wrestler you've never heard of and, frankly, that's on you. San Juan, The Garden, Calgary...Alberta...Canada. She's an urban legend cryptid because the things she can do to a slingkini is illegal in Amsterdam so you can only imagine the uproar it'd cause in Korakuen. Here's a hint, seven stars! The Dome is for tourists and hack journalists.

If you're thinking that she's cold hearted, you'd be half right. She operates on Grinch anatomy and there's enough room for her heart to grow enough to pump blood through an orca. Since an orca can beat up 100 gorillas and a gorilla can beat up 100 ZSJs, who I am sure could humble 100 Maki Itohs, it's over before it started because she's the cutest in the @&#$ing world! Entertain her at your own delight but know that she will take the full length of her entrance song to stroll from the back and the people in the cheap seats will still serenade with "Gahhhhhhhhdess will tear us apart...again!" So, line up for hand shakes, fine Christian lads, thank her for the house, and set the pyro budget to maximum because when she's in Reseda, she always gets all her shit in.

Also, boobs and butts because domination was just a red herring.

Last login: 2025-08-17
Start of membership: 2025-05-09