WWE

07:49 Miriam_Monroe: The Spring Brawl is already underway, and I’m finally ready for my own match. Confident of victory, I stand backstage, throwing a few punches in front of the mirror, then I hear the announcer calling my name: MIRIAM MONROOOOOOEEEE!!!! My music starts playing—edgy, defiant sounds… a mix of metal and punk, just the way I like it. Then I stride into the arena. The fans and I—that was never a love affair in the WWE. Disgusted by the crowd, I stride down toward the ring. I make my way down the stairs to the ropes, where I squeeze myself into the ring between the second and third ropes. Relaxed, I lean back in a corner of the ring and wait for my opponent, tonight’s loser.

07:56 Catriona_Yummy_Mummy_Wrestler: My stomach is churning with nerves as I'm ready to make my debut at Spring Brawl. I can hear heavy music and booing and I know that's my opponent. A big brutal blonde who will be in no mood for niceties! I hear my own music, bouncy Dojo Cat and some cheering and I make my own way to the ring, waving at the fans, offering high fives and up and thru the ropes, heading to my corner, some light stretches as I check my red gear for this evening.....

07:56 Catriona_Yummy_Mummy_Wrestler:

08:01 Miriam_Monroe: The longer you stay in the arena, the grimmer my expression gets. The fans seem to like you, which I just can’t understand at all. Hey guys, I’m the superstar in the ring here! Today I’m going to wipe the floor with your little Catriona and kick her ass hard. And that little red dress? Pah, she has absolutely no style! Annoyed, I wait in my corner until you finally drag your little ass into the ring. I can’t wait to spank you.

08:01 Miriam_Monroe:

08:04 Catriona_Yummy_Mummy_Wrestler: I see you talking to the crowd at ring side, waving you off as I step forward and pose, blowing a kiss to the fans and a cheer goes up! I move back to my corner, bouncing lightly on my toes, waiting for the bell....

08:06 Miriam_Monroe: I stride forward boldly and confidently, coming straight toward you. My blue eyes glare at you angrily. I plant my hands on my wide hips and look you up and down with disdain.

08:10 Catriona_Yummy_Mummy_Wrestler: The bell rings and a cheer goes up, and I move forward, meeting you near mid ring, my hands on my hips. The crowd's anticipation is palpable as I lift my hands in the air, wiggling my fingers, offering a test of strength....

08:13 Miriam_Monroe: I watch you, bored. But then I seem to accept the challenge. My fingers move upward and our hands interlock. With a burst of energy, I press myself against you...but not for very long. Because I have no intention of getting involved in such nonsense. Instead, I interrupt the show of strength by whipping my knee upward to ram it into your stomach.

00:17 Catriona_Yummy_Mummy_Wrestler: The hold is set, and I can see the look on your face. I tense my body, remembering my plan....but even so...."OOFFTTT!" My boots are lifted off the canvas with the impact from your knee. Air rushes from my body as I groan, almost falling forward into you as there are boos from the crowd....

17:29 Miriam_Monroe: That wasn't a fair move—I realize that, of course. But I haven’t exactly made any friends among the fans anyway. Why shouldn’t I gain an advantage like that in the match? In any case, the move had the desired effect. But now, of course, I have to follow up to capitalize on the advantage. Since you’ve bent over a bit after my unfair attack, I’m now trying to hammer my elbow down on your back from above. That should knock you to the ground for now, I figure.

07:42 Catriona_Yummy_Mummy_Wrestler: I'm trying to suck in air after the shock opening to the match. My chest is heaving as I'm grasping my curvaceous opponent. The boos seem like they are bouncing off the ring and as I begin to refill my lungs..."UUGGHHH!"...a burning pain in my back as the point of your elbow finds my back, sending me down to my hands and knees, looking at the canvas as I try and focus on something other than your boots in front of me, shaking my head....

09:01 Miriam_Monroe: The little one’s got stamina—I’ll give her that. At least she hasn’t completely collapsed yet. I can see how bravely you’re holding yourself up on your hands and knees. But this isn’t going to last much longer. I kiss my elbows pointedly, aim for your back again, and then let myself crash down on you with my full weight, elbow first.

09:10 Catriona_Yummy_Mummy_Wrestler: "OOOWWW!!" The burning pain increases to white hot as your elbow finds it's mark, and my hand goes to my back, my boots drumming on the canvas, and I know I need to move. I try and get up on my elbows, then manage to turn over, gradually rolling to the ropes and I begin to pull myself up ..

09:14 Miriam_Monroe: I savor this moment of dominance and strike a pose in front of the fans, who are once again booing me mercilessly. Only then does my gaze fall on you again. I slowly approach you from behind, raising my arms to lock you in a merciless sleeper hold.

09:22 Catriona_Yummy_Mummy_Wrestler: I have pulled myself up to one knee, feeling the ring move as you approach. I keep my head bowed, still watching you from the corner of my eye. I watch as you lift your hands then....."HaYAAA!!" I throw my forearm into your open tummy....

09:24 Miriam_Monroe: I rush toward you with my hands raised and can practically already feel myself getting the better of you. But that’s not going to happen just yet, because right now I feel their elbow in my gut. Uffffffff.... the air escapes from my stomach. I crouch down a bit and clutch my stomach in pain. I look up at you nervously.

09:26 Catriona_Yummy_Mummy_Wrestler: My breath has returned, the burning in my back still there but subsiding for now. I push up from the ropes, getting to my feet and I swing my leg, my red boot aimed squarely for your left thigh with a heavy kick, trying to slow you down....

09:29 Miriam_Monroe: I see your leg swing out with full force, but there’s nothing I can do to stop it. Helpless, I have to watch as you hit me. Ugh... I groan and drop to my knees. I try to brace myself with one hand on the floor so I don’t end up on the mat.

07:47 Catriona_Yummy_Mummy_Wrestler: There is a gasp from the crowd as you fall to your knees. It's like a magnificent oak being felled. Seeing a chance I turn and bounce off the ropes, adding momentum as I run back towards you, hoping to catch your chin with a running knee as you look up, literally going to run you over with a knee to the chin....

09:17 Miriam_Monroe: My timing couldn't have been much worse. Staggering, I crouch down on my knees and need a moment to clear my head. Just as I look up again, I see you already rushing toward me. It’s far too late to react to this attack. The knee hits me squarely in the chin, finally knocking me off my already shaky balance. I collapse and lie there on the mat, dazed.

22:56 Catriona_Yummy_Mummy_Wrestler: I come to a stumbling halt, just a step or two past you,my knee throbbing from the impact. I turn and look down at the dazed look on your face and try and capitalise. I reach down and lift your big boots, securing them under my arms as I lift your thick legs. I take a breath as I hold you, then swing my right leg over to my left, trying to turn you over into a strength sapping Boston Crab....

23:04 Miriam_Monroe: I can feel you working on me. Amid moans and groans, I’m turned into position. My legs are pinned down, and my posture is really not very comfortable anymore. AAAAAHH!!!! I scream out loud as you get a firm grip on me. I pound the mat with my hands to help me endure the pain.

23:07 Catriona_Yummy_Mummy_Wrestler: The Crab is set and I slowly squat and lean back, trying to maximise the pain, feeling you struggle as my boots scrape on the canvas as I strain to hold you in the submission as you fight for a rope....

23:09 Miriam_Monroe: I HAVE to grab that rope! It’s my only chance. Desperately, I stretch out my arms to reach for it. But it’s still a little way off. My eyes are wide open, and I’m not sure how much longer I can hold on. AAAAAHH!! The pain is unbearable.

23:12 Catriona_Yummy_Mummy_Wrestler: I can feel my boots scuffing back on the canvas and I try again, easing the squat, then sitting back down, leaning back once more, trying to bend that big beautiful body.....

23:15 Miriam_Monroe: I gather all my strength once more. With great effort, I crawl forward... I hope this works, because I can't keep this up much longer. It's a struggle for every inch. I can see the lifeline right in front of me... will I really be able to reach it?

23:35 Catriona_Yummy_Mummy_Wrestler: Looking over my shoulder, I see you reaching again, the noise from the crowd drowning out your struggles as I desperately try and hold the submission but even my limbs are tiring as I pour pressure onto your body. My boots shift again as your size tells, the ref leaning in looking at your face and your hand...

23:38 Miriam_Monroe: It’s a struggle for every millimeter; I crawl forward... groan... crawl forward... groan... then I reach out my hand again to see if I can reach the lifeline. My face is completely tense and already flushed.

23:45 Catriona_Yummy_Mummy_Wrestler: And then I get the tap on my shoulder, "Ropes! She's in the ropes! Let her go, Catriona!!" Boos come from the crowd as I'm forced to drop your boots, looking back and grinding my heel into your lower back as I take a step or two away from you....

23:54 Miriam_Monroe: I hear the referee’s words with relief. She has to let go of the hold… finally! I hold my back, which is already completely stretched out. Then I roll out of the ring… just get away from her, I tell myself. The main thing is to get to safety first. I hold onto the edge of the mat from the outside and need to catch my breath.

19:16 Catriona_Yummy_Mummy_Wrestler: As I watch you roll out the ring I pause, thinking.....then I set off, running across the ring to bounce off the far ropes, heading back towards you....and I jump at the last second and slide, aiming my boots at your chest and face, trying to hit you with a basement dropkick....

19:20 Miriam_Monroe: Gasp.... I need to catch my breath after what you just did. I feel safe and have managed to put some distance between us. I only snap back to attention when I hear the crowd in the hall getting restless. What the hell is going on? By the time I realize you’re planning another attack, it’s already too late. I’m standing with my legs spread wide in front of you when your boot hits me in the chest. I lose my balance and slam my back into the crowd barrier.

19:24 Catriona_Yummy_Mummy_Wrestler: There is an almighty CRASH as your curvaceous body hits the barrier. I hit the thin crash mats outside the ring and pause on my hands and knees. I have to catch my breath as that last move took it out of me. I look at you and you are clearly in much worse shape than me. I get to my feet and gingerly start walking towards you....

19:26 Miriam_Monroe: I’m still hanging there, battered, on the barrier. The spectators in the front row are taking advantage of the moment to touch me and annoy me even more. But I’m just too exhausted to fight back. My back is pressed against the fence as I sit on my butt with my eyes closed. My arms hang limply at my sides.

19:33 Catriona_Yummy_Mummy_Wrestler: The crowd suddenly start chanting, "YUMMY.....YUMMY....YUMMY...."and a surge of adrenaline hits me. I pause once more, then I take two steps towards you and jump, another low dropkick, sending my boots towards your open chest....

19:36 Miriam_Monroe: Ohhh....I groan as you hit me in my big belly again. My upper body is pressed hard against the barrier, and the people in the front row take the opportunity to grab me all over. It’s just disgusting! I groan and moan and try to pull myself up somehow. At least I plant my hands on the floor to hoist myself up.

19:50 Catriona_Yummy_Mummy_Wrestler: I roll away and watch how the fans paw and grab you, seeing the loathing in your face. I get to my feet as you begin to try and rise, gripping your head, and then guiding you towards the ring as the ref leans over the ropes, remonstrating at us as I force your bigger body back into the ring....

19:53 Miriam_Monroe: You lead me back into the ring. You struggle to push my massive body back into the ring. But that’s the only place where you can defeat me. For now, I need to buy some time, so I crawl helplessly on all fours across the ring and then lie dazed on the mat.

19:53 Miriam_Monroe:

08:40 Catriona_Yummy_Mummy_Wrestler: I slide back into the ring behind you, hearing your groans as you try and get back into the match. The chants for me continue as I get to my feet, following you, moving behind you as you slump to the canvas. I move forward and straddle your back, standing tall over this downed warrior, then I lean down, gripping your wrists and pulling you back up slightly, your arms pulled behind you, nodding at the crowd as the anticipation builds....

18:43 Miriam_Monroe: AAAAHHH....I'm kicking my legs wildly as you get a firm grip on me. Things are really not looking good for me right now. You’re on top of me while I lie there on the mat, pretty much helpless. My face is flushing red and my expression is contorted with pain. But I’m tough and have weathered a lot worse. But how on earth am I supposed to break free from this hold? My gaze wanders around in desperation...

00:58 Catriona_Yummy_Mummy_Wrestler: I can see your blonde hair swaying from left to right, desperately trying to think of an escape from your periods position. My lips curl into a grin as I look out at the crowd and purr, "Say goodnight to your girl...." And I lift my boot and rest it on the back of your head, and then....I smash my boot down, driving your face into the canvas with a brutal kerb stomp and release your arms....

12:18 Miriam_Monroe: For a brief moment, I’d still had a glimmer of hope. But then you mercilessly slammed my head into the mat with your foot. Completely exhausted, I lay motionless on the mat.

12:19 Miriam_Monroe:

14:30 Catriona_Yummy_Mummy_Wrestler: The roar of the crowd hits the ring as the big beautiful blonde goes still. I drop to my knees and roll you to your back as your eyes flutter. My right forearm pushed your cheek into canvas and my left one hooks your right leg up, your boot flopping in the lights, my boot covering your leg on the canvas to secure the pin. I purr to the ref, "Count....."....

17:15 Miriam_Monroe: The referee checks to see if my shoulders are on the mat. Then he raises his arm and starts counting. One... Two... I hear his hand slap the mat. I’d love to lift my shoulder, but I don’t have the strength to do it. THREE!!!!!

08:15 Catriona_Yummy_Mummy_Wrestler: A wave of relief comes over my body as I hear the bell. I can't believe it, I've beaten this big beautiful wrestler and won my debut! I let your leg drop and slowly get to my feet. The ref grips my wrist and raises my arm, pointing at me when an announcement is made, "AND HERE IS YOUR WINNER, BY WAY OF PINFALL, THE YUMMY MUMMY.....CAAAAATTTRRRRIIIOOOONNNAAAAA!"....

19:30 Miriam_Monroe: I stay lying on the mat for a while longer. My chest is heaving rapidly. Only after quite a while do I roll out of the ring, feeling disappointed, and leave the arena.