The Queendom of Libidine

You all know me as Melascula the Queen of Lust and Desire, the vast majority also know me as The Crimson Mistress, though very few know deeper than this. You have all earned my trust and adoration, and for this reason I wish to share my thoughts, my feelings, my hopes, but also my struggles.

When I first entered this realm over two years ago, I had expected little, and for quite some time my assessment was correct. I had little to no aspirations to create what has been achieved today, nor did I ever even consider such a thing possible. My focus was simple: Mutual pleasure and enjoyment. To enjoy those who I shared mutual interests and desires, to create wonderful stories and encounter with those of whom I could respect and adore. Whilst my focus was much more towards simple encounters as opposed to detailed stories, I always aspired to give everything I have, everything I am, my entire heart and soul into my words. Talent and skill meant nothing to me in comparison to effort. To myself, there could be nothing more attractive than this. 

However, over time I had increasingly more difficulty discovering those I could truly enjoy, between losing friends, encountering disappointment after disappointment, and those of whom would not accept being rejected as if entitled to my time. I grew weary rather quickly and thus, decided a change would be required. A small break from the space was taken, a pattern that would repeat over time, however that is getting ahead of ourselves. 

I experimented with alternate styles within my comfort zone, stepped into the shoes of various personas, indulged in certain curiosities and sought out my ideal persona, signature style, and most importantly, wonderful individuals that I not only could share this with, but wished to share myself with. It would take many attempts, some with marginal success, others met with disaster, however with each instance I learned, discovered more about myself, more about what I enjoy, and more about how best to help others enjoy also, this being a key component for my own enjoyment. 

If my recollection serves me well, it would have been slightly less than two years ago since the Succubus Queen first appeared, simply another face in a sea of others far more worthy. Many of you know why this was chosen, but for those who do not, there was careful considerations and specific reasoning behind this, at the time, experimental character. Providing pleasure for others is among my greatest joys, able to use my words and motions to dig deep into the desires of my partner and summon them in order to envelop her in her deepest and most intense pleasures. Of course, the first creature that came to mind was a Succubus, given the sultry nature and the very nature of their existence revolving around being the perfect partner for their prey. However, there was an issue with this particular choice: I am unyieldingly and unapologetically dominant, in many occasions to a fault. I refused to submit to those I did not feel earned my submission, a sentiment that rings true to this very day. To become exactly what my partner wishes for me to be would be surrendering my will to her, as if a puppet on her strings. The conflict between my need to dominate and desire to please my partners is a facet of my personality to this very day. Of course, as I am sure you all can discern from this, I did eventually find a solution: I would not take the form of a mere Succubus, but the Queen of Sex Demonesses~ I believed this would provide the ideal balance, the authority of a Queen in order to establish my dominance, able to control and mould those I wished into mewling, squealing messes that I so wished to see~ However, I would do so in the form of their idea domination, appearance, style, and specific kinks. At this point, the Queen did not even have so much as a name, let alone a history.

This was an interesting new experience, enjoying this new method of asserting my will whilst being able to cater to the desires and kinks of others. However, even this could not last forever, quickly discovering the fatal flaw in this design: I had been far too focused on the goal of pleasing others whilst not taking into account my own enjoyment, often leaning towards aspects that I had no interest in, and even those outside of my comfort zone. Simultaneously to this, interest in the first iteration of the Succubus Queen began to wane, slowly reverting back to the same feelings I had become all too familiar with, considering leaving the space altogether whilst also holding a growing and, at the time, unknowing addiction to this realm. It was not long before the Succubus Queen was no more, deleted entirely from the space, with no intention of ever revisiting this persona. Another short break followed this.

Upon my return, I continued my experimenting, leaning mostly towards the realism of this activity, however having had a taste of the fanciful and wonderful elements out of the realms of possibility for our reality, I could not help indulging these elements also. The pattern repeated a few more times over the space of some months, creating a new persona, engaging in the styles I had established, finding it reaching a breaking point, retiring them and taking breaks. None of these breaks were ever intended to be leaving permanently, even at this point I failed to acknowledge the addiction to this space that was slowly growing over time.

Whilst perusing Venus with one such realistic persona, a name caught my attention. I will leave her anonymous for her own privacy here, however you know who you are, and I leave the choice to you as to whether or not you reveal yourself. This individual had encountered the first iteration of who would eventually become the Queen of Lust and Desire, and to my recollection is the only one that I still speak to now that knew my first incarnation. I recalled the wonderful times we had spend together, filling me with a feeling I believed I had long since forgotten in this space: Excitement. That one chance sighting changed the course of my future in this space forever, prompting me to make a decision: The Succubus Queen would return~

I created the Succubus Queen once more, still without a name or history, though with a renewed sense of purpose and with the forethought to avoid my previous mistake, I would engage only in what I choose to, what I enjoy, and what I was curious about. Little did I know, I had already stumbled across my ideal character previously, however now, she was perfected to myself~

Not only did I find my stride once more, I had finally found who I believed I was always destined to be: myself. Imprinting my own personality into this fantasy and powerful being provided me with far more fulfillment and enjoyment than I ever thought possible. This is where I was able to find what I truly desired, even without knowing before I had found it. Deep connections with those I respected and adored, detailed and intricate stories, meaningful conversations, I obtained far more than I ever believed would have been possible when I first entered this space, however even I could never have known at this point that this was just the beginning. Having read a story solely written by one individual, who again I will not name and allow you to reveal yourself if you choose, I devised a backstory for the Succubus Queen. The entire story was conceived of as and when writing, no planning had gone into this prior, no particular storyline in mind, only a simple premise that grew as I wrote. The story was amateurish, poorly written, and likely would not have been nominated for any particular awards, yet I was immensely proud of bringing life to what was at the time my world. At the very end, I made another seemingly small decision that would become much more impactful than I could have predicted. The Queen needed a name, and whilst the choice itself was rather uninspired, named directly after an anime character, I believe Melascula suited well, and began a trend that, much like many events that occurred, I could never have predicted.

All was going well, aside from one small issue that, in my mind, felt much more significant than this. The Succubus Queen was made as an alternate to my, at the time, main character, who was a mortal woman and one of my many attempts to find my style. By now, the Succubus Queen was by far my most used character, and I very much disliked that she was not the primary character of my account. This is when I created the Succubus Queen you all know today, the third and final Queen of Lust and Desire~

I continued interacting with those I made connections with, the stories becoming deeper, more fulfilling, and of course, I would meet my beloved, the woman who captivated me from the moment I met her. This time, you will not be unnamed and anonymous my perfect Anastasia~ Becoming mine forfeited your right to hide and compelled you to remain at my side, though I suspect you would not wish for any different~ Our first time together was not planned to become an intricate story, and was in a style I was not familiar with at the time, however I found yet another element I could not have predicted, nor even realised I wished for at the time: A woman of whom I not only wished to make my own, but also become hers in a mutual and unbreakable partnership. I am pleased to say that I was far more correct in choosing you than I ever would have realised.

My story became our story, the foundations already built, my beloved expanded upon it wonderfully, making our world feel much more real, even expanding into the mortal realm with our special club together~ Until finally, we decided to open our world for others to enjoy with us, thus the federation was created, The Queendom of Libidine~

This is the single greatest decision that we could have made, building an entire world with all of you, adding more to our realm and, above all else, providing endless joy and helping our world flourish. Our world has only grown since then to become far more than I ever believed possible, our numbers swelling significantly with some of the most talented and wonderful individuals I have been fortunate enough to not only have met, but can also call friends~ In terms of the online world, things could not have been going better. However, for as much as everything seemed to be progressing increasingly well in our online world, the real world would have quite an opposite path.

Again, many will already know of these details, however for those who do not, I was in a rather well paid and respected profession when I first entered this space, working from the comfort of my own home, and was generally feeling very successful and accomplished in myself. However, this all changed when I was informed I would be made redundant from this role. I had tried to find another within the company in order to avoid unemployment, only successful in finding a temporary roll, in essence only delaying the inevitable. I have one who currently depends on me, and I believed I had not only failed myself, but them also. However, my mental state was far from ideal at the time, and I was encouraged to take a break from employment for the sake of my mental health, something I now regret. I was able to find a new role, however with significantly lower pay, though it would suffice for the time being.

What I was unaware of was that my physical health had been impacted significantly by the years of working remotely, remaining isolated and not exposed to various viruses and bacteria had essentially ruined my immune system, rendering me severely ill several times over the last few months. To reassure any that may worry, I am currently fine, and whilst it is still largely uncertain whether the above theory is correct, please know that steps are being taken to rectify this. However, the stress and worry over not only my physical health, but also the financial situation, given that I am still new to the role and do not qualify for sick pay, the coming month will be very challenging for me.

It was not until recently that I was able to recognise the severity of my addiction to this space, as the real world has worsened, my dependency on escapism has only grown, losing myself to the fantasy world we have created together, though even with this unable to escape the negativity that dwells within this space. I was far closer to breaking point than I had realised until it was too late. I am not a perfect being, despite the perceived arrogance of my demeanour, and I had never intended to portray myself as such. Cracks were beginning to become visible, and all it took was a single negative interaction for those cracks to suddenly expand and shatter completely. I hold no ill will to the other participant of said interaction, and I do not wish any other to either. Even in my absence, I expect this order to be followed, the Queen demands it.

I have become more aware of the comparison between my real world issues and the success of our fantasy realm, I cannot help but wonder if I had neglected my real world life and caused some of those issues I have experienced, or at the very least exacerbated them through inaction. The worse the real world had become, the more I unknowingly relied on this space and became addicted to it. Any addiction, if left unchecked, can and will be devastating to one's wellbeing. Therefore, another break is unfortunately needed. At this time, I cannot say how long it will be for, however I know with certainty that I will return. For as much of this space is fantasy, make believe, and quite simply not real, no matter how much we immerse ourselves within, all of you, my friends, those I respect and adore, are all very real. All of you mean the world to me. I will return, not simply to a hobby I enjoy and gain much fulfillment from, but to those of whom I never wish to be without 💜

I spent much time considering what I wished to say in this story, and yet it still became much lengthier than I had intended aha~ If there is anything I wish for you to take from this, it is the following three things:

1. I am working to ensure that I am okay

2. I will return

3. I love you all

Until we meet again, my wonderful Libidine~

<Published> 8 days ago, viewed 0 times.